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http://anevaporatedsea.blogspot.com/
That was easy enough. Seems I made that last year and forgot. |
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I know, it's been a long time. Many things have happened. I got a job. I moved out. I got promoted to Research and Development Specialist at work. Etc. Etc. I was just never in the mood to write an update. I even had another blog for a short while. I will probably use it in the future whenever I feel the need to rant about something a little too specific. But other than those times, I want to start blogging normally again. But I'm probably not going to do it here. I want a "fresh start", you could say. I'll post the link to the new blog when I've made it.Current Mood:  hopeful Current Music: "Globes and Maps" by Something Corporate |
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Last night, my father brought home a computer for me to fix. When I took it down into the basement and sat it down outside my room, my wallet must've fallen out. I didn't notice.
I was distracted, you see. When I was walking down the stairs with the computer in my hands, I stepped on something, slipped, and almost killed myself. Appearently "Grandma" had taken all the gift boxes from Christmas and thrown them down the basement stairs. One of which was still leaning against the steps.
So, after I put the computer down, I yelled to my dad, who I heard in the kitchen, to look at all the boxes. They were all over the place. He came down and we picked them up. Then we went back upstairs.
Cue Josh arriving. Along with Mark (his roommate mentioned in the first post) and his 3 (or 4?) year old daughter Destinee. I think the main reason they were there was for Josh to get his rolling papers that he'd hidden on a shelf behind a picture of..him.
Anyways, he went downstairs. I didn't even notice him go down. But I heard him come up. He had Halo 2 in his hand. Adam and I had it for testing purposes when tried to fix an Xbox. He gave it to me and told me to "keep it wherever you keep your shit so it doesn't get ruined and I can give it back to Andrew". Andrew being the guy he'd borrowed it from. They left about 5 minutes later. Perhaps less. I'm sure they would've left quite speedily if he saw any hint of me heading for the stairs.
My dad left to take Adam to his girlfriend's. I went downstairs to work on that computer. When I went to grab it, I noticed my wallet sitting there, half open. By the time my hand touched it, I knew the money would be gone. Josh had been downstairs. And it had been in plain sight. I opened it, and of course I was right.
I went directly upstairs and told Geina and Hillary that he'd taken it, and I mentioned the $150 of stuff he stole from me while I was at my aunt's. They didn't say anything, and I went back downstairs.
I couldn't work on the computer then. I just couldn't. I was shaking with anger. I just went into my room and sat on my bed to think. I heard my dad come home. I thought for sure he'd come down and talk to me. But those witches didn't tell him. They didn't tell him because they knew he'd be pissed off and want to kill Josh, most likely.
I ended up trying to do something productive. I burned that recorded conversation of Josh on the phone to an audio cd. And I ran around in Adam's room, collecting all the leftover stolen goods that were still around.
I came back upstairs around 7:30. It was too cold downstairs. In my angry-sick-feeling condition, the cold was making me shiver. I went into the kitchen and just stayed there. Just sat there thinking. Trying to decide what to do. At 8:30 my dad had to pick Adam back up from his girlfriend's. When he came into the kitchen, I told him I was going with him because I needed to talk to him.
I told him everything. Everything about the stuff previously mentioned in this thread. Every detail. I told him I wanted to call the police. I couldn't take it anymore. He said that was okay, but that we needed to talk to Geina (my step-mother) before we do anything.
We came home, and Geina was upstairs in her bedroom. Dad told me to stay downstairs and he went up to talk to her. She came downstairs not 2 minutes later and started watching tv. Not sure what he was doing. Geina didn't say anything to me, nor me her. My dad came down about 10 minutes later.
Nothing happened for a while. Geina then grabbed the phone and went back upstairs, my dad followed. About 10 minutes later my dad came down and asked me to come into the kitchen (where the twits wouldn't hear). He told me that Geina called Josh, and of course he denied taking my money. He told me Geina had said that if I call the police, I have to leave. I told him I didn't care anymore, and that I was going to call them anyways.
We sat talking in the kitchen for about 2 hours. My dad has had enough of them too. He didn't want to do anything then. He wanted to wait until today so he could think things over. He said he was going to go over to Josh's today on his lunch break and talk to him. I made him promise me that he wouldn't hurt him. I don't need him going to jail too.
Anyways, tonight I hope to go to the police station and take the stolen stuff, the cd I burned, and tell them everything. Then perhaps I can go stay at my uncle's for the night. Or something. I don't want to be here. In the mean time, I need to finish getting everything off of this computer that I want to keep (this isn't my computer). And I have to clean my room and start packing. |
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My step brother Josh is generally a screwed up individual. He's 22. He quit highschool. He's a compulsive liar. He gets high or drunk at every possible moment. He doesn't think about anyone but himself. He'll betray people seemingly at random (usually through some act to get himself some more drugs), and act like he doesn't understand why they're mad at him. In fact, I honestly believe he doesn't realize why, and thinks things should just be back to normal after X amount of days. That isn't to say he doesn't know right from wrong. He does. He just usually doesn't care. He's a fairly intelligent person. Except when it comes to stealing. He's a very poor thief.
Sometimes he steals to support his drug habit. He's stolen money from his mother, my father, his brother and sister (and of course his friends, like I mentioned before). And me. It's never a lot that he's stolen (usually not more than $20), and eventually he starts coming around again and everyone tries to forget about it. His mother is generally defensive of him, but pretty much everyone else in this house has wanted to murder him at one time or another.
Sometimes he gets drunk and "goes walking". That's what he calls it when he breaks into cars. I don't think anyone in the family knows about this but me, and perhaps his little brother Adam. Josh has told me about it before. I don't know why he tells me these things. I didn't have any proof those last time, or I might've turned him in then. Or at least told my dad.
See, there's one thing about Josh that keeps me from turning him into the police most of the time. The fact that he's a fairly big, muscular guy, and that he has some (not many, though) loyal friends who I'm fairly certain would come after me if I were to call the police and get him arrested. They're the dangerous sort. They're pretty much like him, where they don't care about anything. They'd just as soon kill me as wander off and get stoned.
I end up lying to my dad sometimes because of Josh. This part bothers me the most. Josh tells me a lot of the stuff he does. Not because he trusts me, but because he likes to brag. I kinda fear for my life, and I haven't wanted him to get caught because of something I did. So when my dad asks me things, I lie. Not completely. I let him know enough so that he has a general idea of what's going on. But mostly, I just act as if I don't know as much as I do.
Okay, now for what's happened recently... Josh has been staying with us since the day before Thanksgiving. Mainly because he was fired from his job and can't pay his rent at his house, and can't buy food, so he eats ours. Any money he does gets, he spends on drugs.
On Christmas Eve Eve (23rd), he came home around 3 or 4AM slightly drunk, and came downstairs. The basement is one big room that Adam and I share as a bedroom. I've got my portion sectioned off with blankets hanging from the ceiling. Anyways, I woke up when he came down. I'm a light sleeper. He made a lot of noise coming down the stairs. When he was down, he turned on the light and started throwing all kinds of things on Adam's bed (Adam was staying at his cousin's that night). I asked what he was doing, and he said "I've been walking." I pulled back my hanging-blanket-curtain-thing and looked. There were about 30 CDs, and a bunch of other stuff I couldn't see very well. No matter, he's the type who likes to boast. He brought over the other things to show me. Two car stereos (the kind with cd players), a few cell phones, and something he couldn't figure out what it was, but it was cell-phone sized, so he'd taken it. I asked him if I could see it. It was a digital voice recorder. As soon as I saw it, I knew what I wanted to do. I told him what it was. He asked if I wanted it, and that if I did, it'd be $10. Well, I told him I had $8, and he said that was good enough. He also stole Christmas cards out of people's mailboxes. CHRISTMAS CARDS! Because he thought there'd be money in them. I heard him opening them, and he kept bitching about there only being pictures in them.
I felt like I was going to vomit. I couldn't see how anyone could do such a thing. Once I figured out how the stupid thing worked, I recorded him talking on the telephone to one of his friends who he lives with (well, officially...unofficially, Josh has been living with us for over a month). He was trying to get him to take one of the CD players as rent money, which I think he was successful with. He told him about how exactly he got the stereos out. That he completely ripped out the dashboard of a few of the cars. Josh told him about a few of the other things he stole. And Josh said he should "get drunk and walk" with him sometime. All of this is saved on this DVR in my pocket.
I need to turn him in. I wanted to wait until after the holidays. At least until after Christmas, because his 4 year old daughter was here. He took her home last night. Today, when my dad gets home, I'm going to tell him everything. I don't know what's going to happen. If my dad agrees that we should call the cops, I'm fairly certain my step mother is going to get very upset with us. This might end with me and my dad moving out. I don't want that to happen, but it might. My dad has already been extremely fed up with this family and has been saying for months that he wants to leave. I don't know. I don't want to be the cause of all that. I have to do something, though. It's eating at me. I think I might be getting an ulcer. My stomach is hurting a lot. And I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm thinking about Josh and all the people whose Christmases he's ruined.
Curse my parents for them giving me this stupid conscience.
Last night I realized that he stole a bunch of stuff from me while I was at my aunt's over Thanksgiving. Two games, and two full seasons of Stargate SG-1. I estimate their combined value at around $150. But honestly, this doesn't affect my decision about turning him in much. I don't think I can live with myself if I don't.Current Mood:  restless |
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Yeah, so, the title is explains things well enough. The first one I wrote a couple weeks ago while at my aunt's.
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I write this now, at 1:09 AM, Tuesday November 22nd, from my aunt's house.
Emeril is interesting. I just finished watching it/him for the first time. Heh. Anyways, I should talk a bit about yesterday. No, I guess it's the day before yesterday, now. Whatever. I'm talking about Sunday.
I got up early. 6:45, fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Which is no big deal. Didn't sleep well. Got up, showered, packed a bunch of stuff, etc. Waited for my sister to call and tell me she was getting off the freeway. Received call. She arrived, we moved all my crap to her car, and proceeded to Wal*Mart. She bought my aunt a Christmas present to give to her early because she didn't think she'd see her for Christmas. She also bought a Phil Collins cd or something. And some other stuff I forget. Cardboard for a school presentation or something, etc.
Then we went to the theatre to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. We decided not to get any food or drinks (as per my usual habit at the threatre), which she kept bugging me about later, asking if I wanted her to go back and get me something. Heh. Anyways, we go and try to find some seats. The place is already packed, and we got there pretty early. As soon as I see the crowd I say "I TOLD you! Hah!" Heh. Previously she had said that it wouldn't be very full because it was an early showing. I pointed out that it was OPENING WEEKEND and that the majority of Harry Potter fans do not attend church and have no reason to not go on a Sunday morning. She still didn't think it'd be too bad. But it was. Maybe not as bad as the opening day of Titanic that we went to many years ago where every seat was filled, but it was pretty full. We ended up sitting fairly high up in the seats, on the left side (when facing the screen).
Not my preferred choice of seating. I prefer to be a few rows down from being halfway up, and dead center of the middle row. The "best seat in the house" as far as I'm concerned. You're not precisely straight-on to the screen, but just slightly lower than the middle of it, when looking straight at the screen. BUT, if you choose to lay back a bit, which is more comfortable (and the chairs are built for it), then you're looking up at an angle, and it's dead-center in that regard. As I said, though, we weren't able to get those seats. I ended up sitting directly below one of the speakers, so basically I didn't much of that suround sound feel. Oh well.
So then the movie started. No, strike that, a whole bunch of ads and trailers (and a short film) started. None of which were particularly interesting. But then the movie. Overall, I liked it. I have some of the complaints that I had with the last few. Namely that they took out what I thought were very important parts, but also put in new stuff that wasn't in the books. To me, that logic is completely stupid. They left out the madness of Mr. Crouch. Hell, they left out the majority of the storyling about Crouch and Crouch Jr. They even left out Bellatrix Lestrange's appearence in the Pensieve (in fact, they combined all the different occasions in the courtroom into one). They completely left out Ludo Bagman. They left out the majority of the Rita Skeeter annoyances, including Hermione figuring out her secret (which didn't even exist in the movie), which she balckmails her for in Order of the Phoenix, which seems like a big thing to leave out. There's a lot more that wasn't included that I thought was important, but I can't remember it all now. They also merged a lot of scenes from the books that were originally separate. I understand them doing that, though. Saved on time (and probably money).
There were good things though. The whole teen angst-ish stuff was well done I think. You know, with Harry and Ron not getting along. And them trying to get dates for the ball later. Ron and Hermione, Harry and Cho. All well done. Also, there was a lot of humor this time. I was very glad for that. That's something that I always hated the movies for not doing properly. The books have a lot of amusing parts, while the movies tend to be very serious most of the time. I think this was the first time I ever agreed with all the psychos online that think Harry and Hermione should get together. I know they never will, and that I never really want them to. But for some reason, I wanted them to in this movie (even though I know from reading the book like 7 times that they wouldn't). I think it all has to do with Emma Watson.I'm kind of ashamed to admit is that I seem to have developed a small crush on her. That's just wrong. She's like 15. Oh well, I can't help it.
I can't think of anything else to say about the movie. I enjoyed it. Perhaps more than the last three. I definitely want to see it again.
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Closer. A movie I've been wanting to see since I first heard about it. Anyone who knows me (and also knows who is in the movie) can probably tell you the main reason WHY I wanted to see it. It's a stupid reason, but a valid one, I'd guess. They would cast random good actors for every movie and not the ones that're already famous, if they weren't intending to get people to watch based on cast alone. But lets face it, big names, attractive people, sell movie tickets. Anyways, the actress in question is of course Natalie Portman. Anyone who knows me knows I used to have a small obsession with her. Whatever. So, the movie, then. Closer. I remembered seeing previews for it and thinking it sounded like a decent-ish movie that I might even have wanted to see WITHOUT Natalie. Of course, it's been quite a while since I saw those previews, and I'd completely forgotten what the movie was supposed to be about. I knew I wanted to see it, for both reasons (Natalie and plot), so it didn't matter that I forgot. And then a few months back Megan sent me a few cds in a music exchange we did. One of the songs was "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice. It says "(Closer Soundtrack" in the filename. It turns out to be basically THE song of the movie, I've just discovered. But yeah, back when I first heard it, I both loved and hated the song at first. I may have written about it on here, who knows. I don't feel like checking. I do know that I rambled to Sam for a couple days about my conflicting emotions on the song. In the end, I grew to love it. So there was yet another reason to see Closer. The reason I finally saw it a few minutes ago was because it was on HBO On Demand. I was hoping it'd show up on there eventually. Hooray.
So. How was it then? Well, it's hard to say. I think I enjoyed it. Quite a lot, in fact. For the uninformed, the movie is about four people who... Well, if I said, it'd kind of ruin the movie. Lets just say it's sort of a love story. I suppose. Sex plays a big role in the movie. And yet, I've just realized there were no sex scenes. It's just talked about. A lot. And in detail, at some points. The characters all seem very human. Very real. There is really no one I could hate in the movie, which is refreshing. Even the meanest, rudest character has a quality that makes them impossible to completely dislike. There is no good and bad. No black and white. Just a lot of shades of grey. I like that. Okay, in the next paragraph-thing I am going to slightly spoil the ending, so if you haven't seen the movie, don't read the next paragraph-thing. Well, you could read it and not have the movie entirely spoiled, but it'll still ruin in a bit, I'd think.
Spoiler warning, blah blah. A lot of movies these days seem to end without a happy ending. Without any real closure. I guess this is to be expected. I too, like the creators of these movies, am sick of movies that end with a predictable happy ending. Through the entire movie, I had no idea how things would turn out. Closer didn't have a predictable ending. It wasn't a happy ending at all. Not a particularly bad one, but not a happy one in any case. I guess I sort of felt the characters were better off the way they'd become by the end of the movie (and who they were with, or not with, etc.). So perhaps that qualifies as a semi-happy ending. Yet depressing all the same. But I liked it. I liked the way it ended.
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Before watching Closer, I watched the Patrick Stuart version of A Christmas Carol (1999, I think). I started watching it upstairs with my dad, but when he went to bed I was forced to finish watching it downstairs. Luckily Adam was spending the night at his friend's, which leaves me full use of the tv in the basement. Which is in his part of the room. The reason I mention this is because upstairs the lights were out, and the Christmas tree was shining, and there were Christmas decorations all around. It was the perfect atmosphere for watching a Christmas movie. Adam's disgusting portion of the basement is not. Oh well. I still enjoyed the movie.
The last time I saw A Christmas Carol was when I was 10 or so. That means 10 years ago. And I don't even remember what version it was. Though I watched "Mickey's Christmas Carol" or whatever it was called a million times when I was little. But I still forgot most of it. Between the last time I saw a version of A Christmas Carol and now, I had been in a church play. It was "The Gospel According to Scrooge". I was in it twice between the ages of 13 and 16. It was close to being exactly the same as A Christmas Carol, except with a religion-based twist. Scrooge got saved at the end. And some other small changes. Even with the play, it's been at least 4 years. So I'd forgotten parts. Which made it a nice experience. I liked it.Current Music: "Ain't No Sunshine" |
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Sorry about that last post. I was having a particularly bad day. I'm not saying that everything I said in it isn't how I still feel, it's just that I shouldn't have gotten so carried away.
I don't think I've mentioned that I've downloaded every ELO album recently. I haven't had a chance to listen to even 50% of it yet. I have mixed feelings about it. A large amount of their songs seem to be extremely pop-oriented. I mean, stuff that sounds like a lot of other bands at that time, just with their signature orchestra-sound and Jeff Lynne's vocals. But there are some songs that stand out, songs that remind me of why I downloaded these albums in the first place. Songs that're truly great.
Like "Wild West Hero" for instance. That is an awesome song. I only wish the whole song was uniform. What I mean is, there are parts that're faster and more, well, "fun" sounding, while the rest of the song is more mellow and dramatic sounding. I'd prefer the whole song to be the more dramatic thing. I'm not saying the upbeat parts are bad. They're not. They just seem a little out of place.
This whole not having any CD-Rs thing is really really starting to annoy me. I can't transport all these albums to my main computer, nor a bunch of other music and files I need. It's going to be a while until I can listen to them all. Plus, Daniel Brummel did a live show last night, which was broadcast online, and Sam recorded it for me and some other people. I can't listen to it. I want to. Badly.
Nov. 14th, 2005 @ 11:48 am
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| » Emptyness |
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I have been really bored lately. Not just bored, but feeling very empty. This would be the time that some random Christian would come in and tell me I need God in my life. And hey, if you believe that, that's fine. There's a possibility that God is real. I'm not denying that. I've never denied that. I myself sort of believe God exists, but not in the same way that most people do. I don't see him as this all-powerful being that can do anything, and that hears all of our prayers. Sometimes I think he's just a member of a more advanced species. Maybe the last of his kind. I think the things we see as miracles are just our brains' inability to grasp how his technology (and perhaps physical abilities) work. I also sometimes think maybe God abandoned Earth long ago. That it was something of an experiment for him, and when he lost interest, he left. Or he died. I don't know. There are a lot of sci-fi films, books, and tv series that have helped to form these ideas in me. Am I nuts? Perhaps. But is what I believe any more nuts than what most Christians believe? I don't think so. Until one of us is proven wrong, we're all insane.
On a slightly related subject, a few nights back I posted a thread on a forum, on the subject of suicide. There were some twits who decided to be immature, so I deleted the thread. But I saved my original post, and here it is below:
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Suicide is a sore subject, to be sure. Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
If some one attempts it, but doesn't succeed, then they weren't serious about it, or too stupid to do it right.
If some one says they're going to do it, they're most likely not, and want attention or are "asking for help" in the stupidest way possible.
If some one DOES do it, they most likely won't tell anyone beforehand, and that people won't expect it.
So why am I making this post? I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately. I'm not "asking for help". I just simply want to discuss the matter. Everyone thinks about suicide at one point or another. Now to pose some questions.
What is the motive for suicide? Do people think they'll be better off dead? Do they think they'll be in less misery when they're dead? This obviously goes to the core of their religion. You have to believe in an afterlife in order to think things are going to be better, right?
What if there is no afterlife? Or more importantly, what if this person commiting suicide doesn't believe there is one? Is completely ceasing to exist something that sounds good to them? That doesn't make any sense to me. In fact, it scares the hell out of me.
And what if you believe in Hell, etc? What if you believe killing yourself will send you to Hell? How is that going to be any better than the life you're currently living? Hell is supposed to be the worst thing imaginable, in fact, things you can't even imagine. Why would you want to give youself an express ticket to there?
And then there's probably a group of people who believe they're "good" and that killing themselves will not be a big enough sin to keep them out of Heaven (or their religeon's equivelent). This group gets lumped in with the wacko cultists who also believe they're going to a better place. Don't ask me to explain them. I don't understand them whatsoever.
This also makes no sense to me. I don't know why, but for some reason, to me, killing yourself would make things much worse than anything you could possibly experience in "this life". Every fiber of my being tells me suicide will just screw things up more. And yet I still consider it from time to time. I don't think I'd ever do it, but I think about it, ponder it, you know? Doesn't anyone else?
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I'm not sure why I'm posting this in my journal. Just am. So anyways, yeah, I've been feeling extremely empty lately. Usually at these times I read a book or play a game or watch a movie in which I can become emotionally wrapped up in. Something with a compelling story. Maybe a depressing one. Maybe something with a love story part to it. Just something emotionally charged. Of course, once I've finished, I'm generally worse off than when I started. I guess it's the whole "I need a life" thing. Not just a life, but I want a girlfriend. I NEED a girlfriend. I need to be able to invest my emotions in something REAL for once. Of course, that's not going to happen. Honestly what is the chance I could ever get a girlfriend? I have nothing to offer. I live with my dad. I don't have a job. And I'm generally unpleasant to look at.
Talking about this is making it even worse. So I'm just going to post this now and stop talking.
Nov. 12th, 2005 @ 12:35 am
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| » RAYs of darkness. |
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The following was typed on my computer in my bedroom on the 26th of October. I just hadn't gotten around to posting it yet. It is followed by an update.
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Thanks to HBO On Demand, I have just finished watching the first season of Six Feet Under. I'd heard of it before, but never seen it. The only thing I knew about it was that it was about a funeral home. That's it. Of course it's not just about the funeral home. It's about all the people involved in it. Their lives. I could go into detail about each character, and it really is tempting to do so, but I won't. Anyways, it's a really great show. I'm glad HBO does tv shows. If they didn't, a show like this would probably never have been created. You can do almost anything on HBO. At different times it's funny, goofy, insane, serious and sad. Sometimes, you can go through the entire spectrum of emotions (not just the ones I've mentioned) in one episode. It's kind of amazing. That isn't to say it's an "emotional rollercoaster ride" or anything. It's not like that. Most times, it's completely subtle. Unfortunately the season ended on a rather depressing cliffhanger. Highly annoying and yet somehow satifying. Not only that, but I was looking at the show on IMDB and it says "2001-2005". That must mean the show has come to an end, or is about to. This is disappointing news. I know, I know, I still have 3 seasons left to watch (which aren't on the On Demand thing yet), but still... When I started watching the show, I was hoping I could catch up and then start watching the new episodes. I guess that won't be happening. It's a shame. I really liked the show so far. . .
I've had a cavity in one of my molars for many months now (perhaps over a year). Last Wednesday (a week ago) I was eating some toast and received the worst pain I've ever experienced. I think I may have felt pain that bad before, for instance when I dislocated my knee the first time, but that was different. Whenever it's a pain in another part of my body, I can sort of "turn it off". You know what I mean? Well, with this pain being in my head, I guess it's too close to the brain to turn off. I'm forced to fully concentrate on it. It took ever fiber of my being to keep from passing out from the pain or vomiting. Anyways, whatever happened was something permanent. I think perhaps my tooth cracked up inside or something. I don't know, but the pain is constant now. Not as bad as when it originally happened. Not even close. This smaller pain is more like a bad migrane that's just lower on my head than normal, while the initial pain was like getting hit in the mouth with a sledgehammer. But it's ALWAYS there. I tried every pain killer in the house (even Vicodin), and nothing would work. On Sunday, I asked my dad if he could get me some ibuprofen since I read it helps with inflamation (my gums were very slightly swollen), and because it was the last over-the-counter painkiller I hadn't tried. And finally, at last I had found my relief. I have to take at least 600mg for it to work completely. That's three pills. I tried taking just two, but I was left with a dull ache that was still too annoying. So, three pills, twice a day. That doesn't seem so bad, right? The bottle says not to exceed six tablets in a 24-hour period, so I should be fine to take this for a while, right? I guess I should look it up to see if I'm going to end up with an ulcer or something.
Still no job. And honestly, durring this whole tooth ordeal, I wasn't really capable of doing much. I could sit and watch a movie, play a video game or use the computer. Moving around, though, seemed to make it hurt more. I'm not sure why.
I got Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance for PC in a trade with a guy from Octopus Overlords. In most areas of the game, it runs extremely well with most of the settings turned down/off. But there are certain places, like the holds with all the marines in the Tanker or the water parts of the Big Shell that simply freeze my computer seconds after loading. For these areas, I have to turn every setting to it's lowest, including sound. And I have to go into dxdiag and turn off sound acceleration. It makes these parts sound a look like crap, but it works. Well, sort of. I'd say it works 10% of the time. I just have to keep trying over and over. Eventually, through some surge of luck, the game doesn't freeze and will continue to not freeze until I quit the game completely. It's very odd. It's been an enjoyable experience otherwise. Until now. Up to this point I've been playing on Normal mode. In normal mode, at one point in the game, you have to fight 25 Metal Gear RAYs. For the uninformed, a Metal Gear is a HUGE bipedal tank (RAY is the name of this particular model). Basically a giant walking robot loaded to the teeth with weapons (think Mechwarrior, etc.). And you have to fight them while you yourself are on foot, using a handheld Stinger missile launcher. And the only place they can take damage is in their heads. It's insane. And yet, the last time I played it on a PS2, I played on Normal aswell, and I beat them on like my third try. This time around, I've tried eleven times. Eleven! That might not sound like much, but you have to realize that it takes at least a minute and a half to kill ONE RAY. I've spent quite a few hours trying to beat the dang things and I just can't seem to do it! So, I thought I'd go online and try and find some downloadable savegames people have made. I tried every one I could find, but none of them are at that point in the game. Okay, so I checked them all to see if any of them had collected enough dogtags to start a new game with Stealth. It's a device that makes you invisible to enemy soldiers and would've made starting a new game -- and getting to the point where I was -- less painless and faster. But none of them even have THAT! So now I have a choice. Do I spend a few more hours trying to beat these stupid RAYs, or do I start a new game with the Easy difficulty setting (instead of Normal)? On Easy, you only have to fight 5 RAYs. But that'd mean I'd have to go through everything again! Everything! Including the parts that my computer almost always refuses to run. I know I can skip all the dialog this time, skip all the cutscenes and that will cut down on the time it takes. But I'd have to fight Fatman and Vamp and the Harrier and do all the bomb crap again. That'll be so annoying. But will it be more annoying than fighting these RAYs over and over and OVER? I don't know! ARGH!
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Okay, so, back to present. November 1st.
First of all, I still have my toothache. I ran out of pain pills and realized that the pain is no longer there all the time, but that it comes and goes. I asked my dad if he could buy me some more painkillers, but he forgot, and now I guess I won't be getting more for a while. Oh well. At least the pain isn't there 24/7 anymore. Geina has offered me some of her Vicodin, which I'd already tried without success before now, but I took some anyways. It seems to help somewhat. Either that, or it's just durring the times my tooth isn't hurting anyways. I'm hoping my tooth is dying. I read that if you have a cavity that is big enough to punch through into the pulp area with all the nerves and stuff (which I'm certain is what happened), that it'd die eventually. Having a dead tooth would normally seem like a bad thing, but now all it means is the pain will be gone, and that's definitely a good thing. Right now it's hurting pretty bad.
It's three days until my ultimatum is up. No one has mentioned it at all for quite some time. I guess that means I'm not getting kicked out. I still need to get a job and move out though. It's driving me nuts.
As for Metal Gear Solid 2, I was so fed up with it that I decided to play through the first Metal Gear Solid instead. Which I have done. It's such a better game than MGS2 in my oppinion. Better story, better atmosphere and a much larger sense of urgency. This was my ninth play through, I believe. But it was my first in around 3 years. So I forgot enough small details for it to be a fresh, fun experience.As I rambled on about to Sam the other day, I'm still learning new things about the original MGS. I never realized the Stinger was so useful. I used my weapons a lot more. I fought Vulcan Raven in a completely new way. Etc. Etc. It's such an awesome game. And I still think the Otacon ending is the best of the two. That's the one I intentionally got this time. Mainly so I could see it again, but also so I can use Stealth the next time I play it (Otacon gives it to you at the end of the game). So, yeah, anyways, after I beat MGS1, I decided to start up a new game of MGS2 on Easy. This time around, I decided to collect dogtags (so that maybe eventually I can get Stealth, heh). Anyways, by skipping most (not all) of the cutscenes and codec conversations, it didn't take me long to get to where I'd been before, fighting the RAYs. Of course, killing only five RAYs was extremely easy and I beat them on my first try. Then I beat the game completely, seeing as there's just a boss fight after that.
The Substance version of MGS2 comes with some extras. One of which are some missions playing as Snake, called Snake Tales. I played part of one of them. Whoever made it was really uninformed about the plot of the game and made some big story mistakes. So I didn't even bother playing the rest of them. I will eventually, I'm sure. But I read this on a cheat page, "Successfully complete a Snake Tale to unlock the M9. Begin a game and use M9 to stun the Bosses instead of killing them to view an alternate ending sequence." I'm going to assume it means to stun the bosses and you'll get an alternate ending in the main game (Sons of Liberty). If that's true, I might just have to play through the game AGAIN, just to see that ending. But that can wait. I'm going to ask about it on the IGN MGS forum first, to see if it's even true.
Nov. 1st, 2005 @ 09:04 am
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| » I got soul but I'm not a soldier |
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It's been a while, I know. I've been meaning to post, but it seems whenever I think of doing so, it's at a bad time.
The search for a job has thus far been unsuccessful. I had an interview at the local FYE warehouse. I swear I was going to get the job. They had been putting ads in the Sunday paper every week for a month or so. My step-aunt got a job there, even. She said they were continually hiring tons of people. So yeah, anyways, I went in for the interview Wednesday and was told I'd get a call the next day if they were interested in hiring me. They didn't call. I called them the day after they hadn't called, and left a message (appearently they were out). That was Friday. They're open all weekend, but I figured I'd give them until Monday. On Sunday, they once again had an ad in the paper. I thought this meant my chances were still decent. Monday they didn't call, so I called them Tuesday morning. Once again, I got the answering machine and left a message (this was around 9:30AM). On Wednesday I recieved a letter from them that was postmarked on Tuesday. I'm assuming they sent it right after I called. It more or less said "Go to Hell", but in nicer, more professional-sounding words. From now on, I refuse to buy anything from any company affiliated with Trans World Entertainment. It won't impact them whatsoever, I know. But I'm still not going to.
Music-related stuff shall now commence.
I aquired The Killers' album. I'd been meaning to for a while now, but I kept forgetting. You see, I love "Mr. Bright Side". I just love the music, and the lyrics are good too. I mean, I can identify with the lyrics. You know, seeing some one I like go off somewhere with another guy. Trying not to think about what they're doing, but thinking it anyways and feeling sick about it. A mixture of jealousy, disgust, perhaps anger. Anyways, yes, I like the song. I got the album hoping to hear more songs that sounded similar to "Mr. Bright Side". I was let down. I listened to the whole cd, more or less. Well, I listened to at least half of each song before going onto the next. By the time I was done, I was extremely annoyed. My thoughts on the album was that it had a "standard 80's band" sound, and was mediocre at best. Then I listened to it tonight. My initial let-down having subsided, it's pretty decent. Originally I was expecting a certain sound, and it didn't deliver. But when listening with an open mind and no expectations, it turned out decent. I think my favorite track (outside of "Mr. Bright Side", which seems almost out of place) is "Indie Rock and Roll", though "All These Things That I've Done" and "Believe Me Natalie" come in a tie for a close second.
I aquired Taking Back Sunday's second album, Where You Want to Be, the same day I got The Killers'. My initial impression was that it's pretty decent. I still think so. It feels less raw and more forced than their first album (Tell All Your Friends). The first one seemed almost like a recording of a live show. You could feel their emotions more. Oh well. Anyways, their sound has evolved a bit, but they're still Taking Back Sunday. They still sound like themselves. And they're still obsessed with juxtaposition (which is what made me like them in the first place). The song "New American Classic" seemingly came out of nowhere, and is almost out of character for them. But it's good.
"Grandma" had control of the TV a couple days ago, and of course she found GAC and left that on all day, BLASTING country music. While I really really dislike country, it did make me realize it's not all bad and that there's some decent songs amidst all the crap. Actually, I already knew this. But... I didn't want know those songs existed and admit that I actually like some country. One song I did hear, and was surprised to hear, was Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had". Of course it was by some country artist, but still... That's a good song. And the country version was almost exactly the same as VH's. I guess when you think about it, that song does sound country-ish. Hmm. But this brings up one of the reasons why I hate country. A lot of times, when there's a decent pop or rock song that is doing well on the charts, some country artist will do a version of it. I HATE THAT. HATE HATE HATE. But then, I can understand it from a song-writer's perspective. Lets use Diane Warren as an example. Say she writes a song for a boyband and it does well. She gets a percentage of the profits I assume. Well, why not let a country artist do another version and make even more money? It makes sense, I guess. But I still hate it. Oh well. These days I have a general dislike for any band/artist who doesn't write their own songs anyways. That does not include cover bands. That's a similar, but different beast all-together. At least in my mind. I like cover bands. Well, the good ones anyways.
Sam also has introduced a band called The Early November. The name sounded familar to me, but I couldn't place it. Now I remember. They did a cover of "Power of Love" on the Punk Goes 80s cd that Sam also sent me a few weeks ago. Good cover. I like the first album so far. It's got a tiny bit of a Jimmy Eat World sound to it in a couple songs. Sam also sent me an album by Maritime. It's mostly acoustic-guitar led stuff, which is good. The lead singer kind of sounds a bit like the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie (Ben Gibbard?) at times. Maybe he just has the same accent or something. Anyways, pretty decent stuff, both of these bands. I can see myself liking them more as I listen more.
I watched Donnie Darko last night. It's been a while since I watched it. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I really love the choice of songs and the score in the movie. They fit well, and give it a certain strange tension. Really cool.
Been playing some games lately. Can't ever stick to any of them it seems. The only one I've been playing consistantly is Road Rash for the N64 (on an emulator). I've always considered the PC version of Road Rash to be the best one released. Well, now it's a toss up. The n64 version (which I'd never played before), has a lot of improvements. For instance, when you wreck, you start at the back of the pack. In the PC version, you had to run back to your bike, and continue from where you were, playing catch-up. At first, I though the back-of-the-pack thing was stupid and took some of the challenge away, but now I like it. The enemy AI is better now, too. The physics are a little more realistic this time around. No more crashing your bike into a sign and your rider flying a mile away. The graphics are nicer too. Overall, I suppose it's a superior version. The only thing that detracts from it is that even though I'm very far in the game, the sense of speed is nowhere near as cool as in the PC version. For some reason, I don't ever feel like I'm going very fast. I accidently turned on Frameskip on at one point, and of course things were twice as fast. It was kind of fun, but it's not the way the game was intended to play. So, which do I like better, the PC version or the n64 version? I really can't decide. The n64 version has so many obvious improvements, but it's also missing the little touches that made the PC version so much fun. In the PC game, you'd get to see little FMVs after the racers. Sure they were repetative, but I liked them. Also, the whole back-of-the-pack thing completely removes the ability and the satisfaction of making a truly spectacular comeback.
Oct. 14th, 2005 @ 02:14 pm
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| » Things... |
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All of this was written in the early morning hours of 9/15, not today.
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In the few weeks, I have read two books. Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, in that order.
Middlesex was an interesting read. As I think I may have said in my last post, it's about a hermaphrodite. But not. It's more about this particular hermaphrodite's family, starting with his/her grandparents, in 1922, up to present (which was 2001). Well, no, it's about Cal's family including himself/herself, up until the 1970s, interspersed with moments from the present (2001), usually at the beginning of each chapter. What happens between the 80s and present isn't really mentioned in detail. I suppose it wasn't needed. It was a good book, really, but somewhat disappointing. Cal isn't even born in the book until about halfway through. I've been wanting to read this book for a couple years now. As I said in my last post, a book about a hermaphrodite has a lot of potential. "Emotional turmoil" sort of potential. While this was done decently in some parts, it felt compacted, rushed even. And the ending was disappointing. One more paragraph about the present, ending in a way it seemed it should have, would've been much more satisfying. Oh well. There were times when the author's style of writing got on my nerves, but overall it was okay. I still enjoyed it. I don't know if I'd ever recommend it to anyone though. Especially with it being [partially] about a hermaphrodite, and having bits of incest. . .
The Perks of Being A Wallflower was, to me, the better of these two books. It's a lot shorter, but it doesn't matter. In fact, it may be one of my favorite books now. I'm not sure yet. I need a few days mull it over. I just finished it a few minutes ago. This book is structered in a strange way. I'm sure there are other books like this, but this is the first I've read myself. The story is told through letters written by Charlie (the main character), to some one whom the identity of is never revealed. I have a theory of who it is, but it's not worth dwelling on. Honestly, it really doesn't matter. I must say, I really loved the way this book was written. My favorite book, Ready, Okay! by Adam Cadre is written in first person, but throughout the book, you're reminded that these things happened a while ago (a year or more, up to present). Mainly because of the forshadowing. Anyways, in this book, each time I read a letter, it feels as if these events have just happened in Charlie's world. Which they did. It just gives it a different feel, and at the end of each letter, I can't wait to find out what happens next. One thing I should definitely mention is that this was one of those books that has had an effect on my life. I know I just now finished it, but it made me realize a thing or two about myself. It didn't impact me the way Ready, Okay! did, with the depression that lasted for a few days, but still, it taught me something. I'm very much like Charlie (no this isn't the thing I learned). Except I don't cry like he does. Though I often feel as if I'm about to, in those sorts of situations. I think about all the things he thinks about. Maybe I don't get caught up in them to the extremes that he does, but close. The thing I learned is this: I don't take action. Perhaps even that I don't "participate" as well as not taking action. That's it, that's the what I learned. I'm not going to get into it, otherwise I'd start rambling and end up sitting here for hours, and by the end have this long rambling post filled with past events, memories, and stuff that would be pointless. There's one thing I wonder though. Are all my favorite books about the teenage years going to have a character in it who ends up in a catatonic state at some point? It seems to be a trend. . .
One thing about Charlie's letters that bothered me throughout the books is that he's never going to be able to read them again himself. Unless the person he writes them to keeps them. When I was his age I did the same thing, but in the form of emails. Emails that were sent mainly to two specific people. These people no longer have them. The earliest emails, I don't even have a clue of the subject matter they contained, other than The Obscure Object. That's something I picked up from Middlesex and I think I'm going to continue using whenever referring to the girl I was obessed with throughout my childhood. So, lets get this straight, dear non-existant readers:
The Obscure Object = That annoying girl I liked.
Got it?
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On the Sunday of September 4th, I had stayed up all night, and when my father got up, he asked if I'd like to go fishing. I said yes, if only so I could remember what it's like to fish without the annoyance of "Grandma" being with us. We went to a relatively nearby lake and fished for a while. After a couple hours, my step mother called my dad's cellphone. I only heard his portion of the conversation, but it went something like this:
"Hello? Yeah. I know. Okay. Fine. Okay. I know. I will. Okay. I will. Alright. Yes. Okay. I will. Okay. I know, I know. We're going to fish for a little while longer, then we'll be home. Yes. I know. I will. Okay. Goodbye."
His tone of voice started out normal, and grew into what I guess I'd call "restrained annoyance". I knew it had to do with me. I just knew it. I'm certain my dad knew I knew it, because my mood was suddenly very different. No more joking around, less having fun. It wasn't until maybe half an hour later, on the ride home, that I was told what the phonecall was about. At one time my father had given Josh an ultimatum, telling him he needed to move out within two months. There were a lot of reasons for this ultimatum that I won't bother going into, but I would just like to state that the situation was very different from mine. VERY. Anyways, Geina told my dad he had to give me one as well.
I've been applying at a lot of places. I had an interview at Borders Express, and I think I might get the job. But I'm afraid I won't like it. It's a very customer service sort of job. I'm not a people person. Plus, I don't think I'm going to get enough hours. And it's only seasonal work until January or February. I don't know what I'm going to do if I get it. I'll probably take it, but still look for another job. I need to get my driver's license as well. And a car. If I make it out by November 4th, it'll be a miracle. Well, I'm going to get out no matter where I have to go. I don't care at this point. If I have to pay $50 a month for a storage locker to keep my stuff in and then live on the street, I'll do it. I'll do anything to get out of this place.
Oh, and she said that taking me fishing was "rewarding him for staying up all night". As if staying up at night is some sort of horrible sin. A crime against humanity. Whatever. You want to know the reason I like to stay up night instead of the daytime? To get away from her. I like to stay up all night because then I have many more consecutive hours that don't have her in them. That is the number one reason. One other major factor is that the copious amount of fleas in my room seem to bite less durring daylight hours. At this moment it is 3:45 AM. Why am I awake? The fleas were biting me too much and kept waking me up. I'd like to see HER sleep a single night down here. She wouldn't be able to do it. She would freak out and spend lots of money to get rid of the fleas. Or she'd insist on moving. As it is, with the fleas mostly in my part of the room and only biting me, she doesn't mind at all. In fact, I'm sure she's happy about it. If Adam complained about them biting him, her son, she'd do something about them as well. But not for me. Hell no. I'm not HER CHILD, and I'm not supposed to be here. In her mind I have absolutely no right to be here.
Hillary, my step sister, is to blame for this ultimatum as well. She's always complaining that "There's not enough room here!" and that "There's too many people living here!". And she's always using me as an excuse as to why she doesn't need to get a job. Though it's not as if my oppinion of her could possibly get any lower than it already has been. I always got along with her, and respected her more than her brothers. Until early last summer, that is. She started going out and getting drunk all the time, and getting high and stuff like that. Basically doing all the stuff she hated that her brothers did and swore she'd never do. She even smokes cigarettes now. I know this doesn't seem as bad as the other stuff, but to me its worse. It's worse because she always, always said she'd never start smoking. She always got in fights with Josh because he was constantly always begging his mom for cigarette money or to buy him some. But now she does it herself. She hangs out with the really ...er.. promiscuous girls. I was talking to a guy who goes to her school, and he was telling me stuff about her one friend...man. I just can't believe she'd want to be part of that sort of social circle. But that's how she is now. Getting drunk whenever she can, constantly smoking cigarettes, and sleeping with lots of guys...
Sep. 16th, 2005 @ 10:56 pm
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| » Bad Timing |
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Hello, dear non-existant readers. It's that time again. Time to post something, I guess. Oh, by the way, that last post was made in a sleep-walking state. I don't remember getting up to write it or anything, but when I read it now, I know it was I who wrote it and I vaguely remember typing it.
Anyways, what's new since last time? Hmm. I went to an annual fishing tournament that my father and I have attended every year since I've lived with him. But this year was probably the worst. Not only did we not catch fish anywhere near big enough to win money, but we had "Grandma" with us. I always seem to put grandma in parentheses. I guess it's because she's not really MY grandmother. And if she were, she'd be my great-grandmother. As it is, she's my step-great-grandmother, and frankly that's too much of a mouthfull. But yeah, we took her with us. This was a mistake. So annoying. Her hearing is bad, so we kept having to talk loudly to her (which caused evil looks from fellow fishermen), plus her memory is horrible and we had to keep repeating things (more evil looks). She kept getting her line tangled (extremely pissed off looks when she tangled it around some one else's line). Etc. Etc. The night ended with me hooking myself in the side while carrying the poles to the car. When we got home, my shirt had a blood stain that was an inch and a half around. Needless to say, I didn't really enjoy myself.
What else, what else? Hmm. The annoying step siblings are back in school, of course. As are most people my age who didn't screw themselves over like I did. Hmm. I read the book adaptation of Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within. Which made me want to play the game again, which I also did. I'm about halfway through playing Grim Fandango for the first time. It is a good game, but it's one of many adventure games I wished I'd played before the GK series, because after them, nothing compares really.
I'm also about a third of the way through the book "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides. It's about a hermaphrodite, which is a subject I've always thought could make for a good story. Well, actually it's the story of this character's entire family, starting from the 1920's, to present day. I'm up to about mid to late 1930's by now, I think. Eventually it'll focus more on the main character (the hermaphrodite in question), I hope. Not that it hasn't been very interesting already. Sometimes the author's style of writing drives me nuts, but the story is interesting enough that I can get past that. This is the same author who wrote The Virgin Suicides, which I plan to read next. I actually intended to read it FIRST, but I couldn't find it at the time. They're not part of a series or anything, it's just that the author wrote The Virgin Suicides first, and of course I'm a weirdo with an "order" obsession. Anyways, I don't recommend this book (Middlesex) to anyone who can't quite handle reading about subjects that are very much "taboo". And I'm not just referring to hermaphrodites...
I also downloaded the Short Circuit movies off of bittorrent. I can't believe how much I didn't remember of them. Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For a Hero" is used to such great effect in the second movie. It's too bad that scene didn't have as much impact on me as it did when I was little (it's one of the few scenes I remember). But, if I saw these movies today for the first time, I doubt I'd like them quite as much as I do now, because of nostalgia being involved. Danielle recently reminded me of Batteries Not Inlcuded. Another semi-sci-fi movie I loved as a kid. I need to find it.
Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 09:44 am
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| » Clarity |
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There's something I've been meaning to post about, but haven't yet.
Clarity. The Jimmy Eat World album. Sam send it to me a while back, and I did listen to it a few times, but I must've been really disracted those times. Then one day I was in my room and decided to give it a closer listen while playing solitare on my computer. Playing solitare occupies a certain portion of my brain that helps me keep focus on music without getting distracted. Sounds weird, but it keeps my thoughts from wandering away from the music. Of course, if I'm immersed in the music and suddenly switch focus and concentrate more on the solitare, I'm lost. I'm not aware of what cards I've got, what cards I need, or what card was just turned up 5 seconds ago. Which forces me to start a new game, and then I'm fine and can go back to focusing on the music. It's very odd. It happens at least once per song, and almost always if there is any silence in between songs. A similar thing used to occur many years ago when I'd be playing online multiplayer TFC and totally kick ass while holding an in-depth conversation with my sister. Of course, with TFC, if I lost focus, it only took me a second to realize where in the level I was, and that's all I'd need really. My sister never understood how I did that. And I'm rambling. Hmm. What were we talking about again? Oh yes. Clarity. Yeah, that night when I really payed attention to it... Well, I started solitare up and started listening to Table for Glasses. Somewhere around three minutes later, I completely screw up my solitare because my mind switched to it for a second when I realize, "Whoa, what the..? I don't remember hearing this AT ALL before!" Anyways, yeah, really awesome cd. Oh, and those 40 seconds or so toward the end of Table for Glasses have been added to my mental list of absolute best uses of juxtoposition ever.
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So, as you probably know, within the last few months (not sure when exactly), the Backstreet Boys released a new album. Some people on the radio, and some people online seem to think that their sound has changed and matured. Having listened to it, I don't believe this to be the case. They sound pretty much exactly as I remember them. I think what it is, is that we've had a long enough break from boybands to realize they're not so bad. I think, when most people compare them to the music that's popular NOW - I'm speaking of rap and hip-hop here - boybands like the Backstreet Boys seem like half-decent music.
I admit that I used to listen to boybands. Namely Nsync, but yes a little Backstreet Boys and others as well. Partly because they were what was popular, what everyone was listening to, and what was on the radio 24/7. Partly because I had little choice in what I listened to because of having a somewhat bossy older sister. Partly because I was a love-struck pre-teen and their songs sort of fuled that fire. And partly because they're really not that bad.
I like to think that if I were going through those formative years at this period in music, that I wouldn't listen to rap. But I can't say for sure. If it's really what everyone's listening to, playing on the radio, and what my sister is half-forcing me to listen to, I just might give in and listen to it. And probably enjoy it. But is that a choice? It's as though kids are held hostage by what's popular in music. And it's like they get Stalkholme Syndrome. No, I take it back, it IS Stalkholme Syndrome.
I like to think that if I were growing up now, I'd be listening to the deluge of punk/pop bands out there, and stuff like Jason Mraz and Gavin Degraw and Maroon 5. Sure, they're not exactly what I listen to now, in reality (minus Gavin for a short period), but I do think they're a better sort of music that IS popular now. Maybe not as popular as rap, but very close. I like to think I'd have good enough taste to know which is better. At least I hope I would. In fact, I have faith that this sort of music is going to squash out Rap for the most part. Perhaps it already has to an extent. I really can't say, because I don't listen to the radio or watch MTV.
Anyways, I think the Backstreet Boys and their producers, agents, etc. are brave to bring out a new album in a time when boybands are non-existant. Even though their style of music no longer "hits the spot" for me at this point in my life, I salute them.
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This was written on my other computer a few nights ago... The only reason I'm posting it is because I want this out in the open, should I need to rant about it again in the future.
It's time to confess something. You see, normally I tell my internet friends a lot more about myself than anyone in person. But I don't tell even them everything. Who does? Normally I wouldn't put anything like this thing I'm about to talk about, in my journal here, because I'd be afriad some one I know in person would find it and read it. And then there's the things I don't write because I don't want specific internet friends to get the wrong idea about me. So, as you can guess, there's a lot a hold back when it comes to this journal.
This specific subject is one that gets a check in both catagories. Meaning, it's something I wouldn't want people I know in person to know, or specific internet friends I have. But still, this one thing I've just got to rant about a little bit in order to feel a little more sane. I've told one person about this, a net friend obviously, but she and I don't really talk much anymore, so I've got to resort to this thing. Here we go...
My step sister. Yeah. Well... she sort of.. teases me, you could say. Man, this is embarassing. She does little things to try and prove that I'm attracted to her sexually. Basically she wants to know if I want her. Let me give you an example. A few minutes ago, I was using the computer upstairs and she came home from somewhere (who knows...it's after midnight). She said "don't turn around, I'm changing my pants". Oh great, here we go. I responded with "Why don't you go in the bathroom?". She was not ten feet from it, it seemed a logical response. I forget what she said to this. I think it was something like "eh." You know, basically a verbal shrug. And then there's noise behind me, and she's starting changing. Okay, whatever. I set my mind into a state of numbness and awareness to prepare for it. She lets out an audible gasp. I don't turn around. After a second she lets out an obviously fake, startled "ahh!" sound. I still don't turn around or even acknowledge it. After another moment she says "what is that?" to which my response is not turning around or acknowledging her. Then I guess she gives up because after a moment she says "oh, it's my bottle of water" as if this is a good enough excuse for her exclaimations, and finishes changing.
Incidents similar to this have been occurring the entire time I've been living with them. Over 2 years now. It's war. We're at war. Neither of us have ever brought it up. We don't act like anything's weird even when we're alone. It's a silent war between us. And honestly, I think I deserve to be commended. She IS an attractive girl. I think most other guys in my position would have given up by now. Or rather, given in. If I even said anything to her about it, she would most likely deny she did anything and would proceed to tell everyone that I'm attracted to her. I just know it. It would definitely not be a good thing.
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Also, I finished Syberia. Evil cliff-hanger ending. Good game though, even with some frustrations.
Aug. 17th, 2005 @ 05:31 am
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| » Mirth Watered Down to Non-Existance |
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As opposed to the previous post, this heading is related.
Tonight my step mother and her grandmother decided they wanted to go to play bingo, and wanted my dad to come along as well. They invited me too of course (I used to go with them all the time), and for the first time in a few months, I decided to go. There are many reasons why I normally don't go. One being that sitting there for that long in those annoyingly uncomfortable chairs can be painful for me (though only me, it seems, whatever). But the main reason is because out of the 25-30 times I've gone, I've never won. Sure, I've won some money from flashboards (sort of instant lottery ticket type things), but I've never gotten to call out "Bingo!". But tonight I did. It was on one of the larger winnings ones. Instead of the normal $99, this one was $150 to the winner. The thing is, there were two other people who bingoed the same time as me. So that meant $50. And since we always split, that means four more ways. So I ended up with $12.50. I can't say I enjoyed myself.
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The other people came and got the last of the two puppies today. After his brother had left, he became very attached to me. Whether I liked it or not, he followed me around, slept against me (usually my feet, since they were usually nearest his level), and barked at me when he wanted to play. I wish we didn't have to give him up, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 02:37 am
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| » Manifest Destiny |
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Ignore the heading of this post, it has nothing to to with the content.
I thought it'd be best to first talk about my father's medical issues. He does not have lung cancer, it seems. But he does have some "nodules" which I guess will be looked into further. He also does not have his results from the bone scan yet. It seems as though there's nothing to worry about. Not that I worried much beforehand anyways. With something like this, I put it out of my head until I know anything for sure. With dad's lungs, I simply didn't think about it, didn't worry about it, pushed it out of my mind. I felt there was no need to get worked up over something that wasn't proven. But my step mother and my step sister both freaked out. Maybe that's just a guy thing, that we can do that. Or maybe it's just me, I don't know. Or maybe they're just headcases. Er, no offense.
On yesterday (Friday, even though I know right now it's Sunday, it still feels like Satuday to me) my dad, my step mother, my step sister, step aunt and step cousin went to Geauga Lake to celebrate their (my dad's) wedding aniversery. For the uninformed, Geauga Lake is an amusement park. A few years back it was bought by the Six Flags people, along with the neighboring Sea World, and was turned into "Six Flags Worlds of Adventure". They tried to push the gimmick of being a sea life park and amusement park combined, being the first of it's kind or whatever. But after a few years, the owners of Cedar Point thankfully bought it, and also thankfully they changed the name back to Geauga Lake. Cedar Point is "The Roller Coaster Capital of the World" and also named the “Best Amusement Park in the World” for a record seven years in a row, so they know what they're doing. I've always liked Geauga Lake better than Cedar Point. While it's true I haven't been to either of them since BEFORE Geauga Lake ever became a Six Flags, I still think I'd like it better. Sure, Cedar Point is bigger, has a ton more rollercoasters, etc. but Geauga Lake just has a better feel to it, in my oppinion. Maybe it's because I went there so many times as a kid (pretty much every summer, minus a few, until I was 14). The place has a lot of memories.
So why didn't I go with them, to the place that is practically the phsysical representation of my childhood? Stupid reasons. I should've gone. You see, when my step mother asked me if I wanted to go, she did it in a "you don't wanna go, do you?" kind of way. I don't think she said those exact words, but I got the feeling that she or they didn't want me to go. So of course I said no, and told them a stupid excuse as to why I wouldn't want to go, to make it seem more real. Within five minutes they called my step sister and told her that since I wasn't going, she could bring a friend along. Of course, after they'd told her that, there was no way I could change my mind about going. There's only so much room in the car. Yeah, so last night, when they got home, they told me Hillary didn't bring a friend, but that my step-aunt and step-cousin went instead. Now, unless they squeezed in REALLY tight, there's no way they went in one vehicle. Which means there would've been room for me. Nobody informed me of this, so it basically confirms I wasn't ACTUALLY invited.
Jul. 24th, 2005 @ 01:35 am
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| » A depressing week, I think... |
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So yesterday I wake up at like 5:30PM (don't ask), and no one is home but Grandma. Usually everyone (er, everyone being my father and step mother) is home by that time, but there's been times in the past where they've met up and gone somewhere, so I'm not concerned. Then the phone rings and it's my step mother telling me she took my dad to the hospital, because he was having pains in his left arm and his chest. She comes home to pick me up and of course Grandma has to go as well. Not because she's particularly concerned, but because she's bored or something, whatever. It was either take her with us, or have to deal with a huge arguement when we get home. Anyways, we visited him, and they'd told him he was going to have to stay over night for them to do a stress test, which appearently went well because they released him this morning. So his heart is fine. BUT on the catscan or MRI or whatever it was that they used to look and see if his heart had any blockage, they saw a couple "spots" on his lungs. And also his bone density in his rips was a little off or something. So tonight he had to go in and get another CTScan or MRI, whichever, that was more specific. Tomorrow morning he has to get a "bone scan" done as well. My dad smoked for like 25 years, off and on. Though he hasn't in almost a year now, I think. And at his work he's always inhaling the dust (he works at a big metal shop), which can't be good for you. We're all worried about it being lung cancer, but we're sort of avoiding talking about it.
Another thing to make this week a little worse, is we've given one of the puppies away today. It wasn't the one I like the most, but he's going soon as well. I've done my best to not get attached to them, but I can't deny it's happened a little bit, regardless of my efforts.
Also, I finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince last night. It was good, not my favorite in the series, but good. A little random at times, and the ending a little rushed, but I still liked it. But it ends ina depressing sort of way as well, so that adds to my down mood.
Jul. 20th, 2005 @ 11:19 pm
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| » Ah, my long lost journal... |
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How I have missed you. Sort of. Okay, not a whole lot. Perhaps a little.
So, it's been over four months, right? Depending on your perspective, a lot has a changed, and then again nothing has changed. What HAS changed, you might ask? Well, I got a GED. My step mother's grandmother moved in with us. And we finally have broadband. That's it. Nothing else has changed. Having a GED has yet to affect my every day life. Grandma moving in HAS affected it, but not a whole lot really. Getting broadband has improved some small things, but nothing huge exactly. So in general, my life is pretty much the same as the last time I posted. No job. No music recorded. But hey, I can download stuff, and play mutliplayer games now. Isn't that nice?
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K and I can like it. It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it. It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car. When first star you see may not be a star. I'm not your star ...Isn't that what you said what you thought the song meant?
Jun. 17th, 2005 @ 11:30 pm
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| » It's been a while...yet again |
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Okay, this post right below the line here was typed on the 27th of January. I never got around to posting it for various stupid reasons. I thought I'd typed one or two since then, but I can't find them. I think I may have deleted them by accident. Okay, anyways, after this line is the old post, after the second line is me resuming today (Feb 9th)'s post.
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Originally typed January 27th, 2005
It's been a while. It's been a long long while. Originally I never posted anything because I wanted to list all the gifts I got for Christmas.. I waited because I hadn't gotten the gift from my sister yet. And, well, I still haven't gotten it (but it's in the mail now, I think), but I really should update this thing. If not, I won't have posted at all in January. And that just won't do.
First, I suppose I should at least attempt to list the Christmas presents I recieved. I say attempt, because I'm liable to forget some. Let's see... From my Dad and step mother I recieved Spiderman 2, $50 (which I bought a DVD-ROM/CD Burner with), $5 in McDonald's dollars, and an air mattress. Thing is, it's a queen size air mattress, which simply won't fit in my room. Josh has used it a few times though. Oh well. From my grandmother on my father's side I got $5, which is appreciated greatly because I know she doesn't have much money. From Geina's grandmother I got a bunch of clothes which of course do not fit, that went to dad. From my mother, I got [almost] all of my stuff I wanted back from Colorado, an awesome watch that is both analog AND digital (by far the most useful present I got this year), a Christmas ornament (it's a tradition), a plastic toy basketball hoop to hang on the wall in my room, and the second season of Stargate SG-1 on DVD. I did not buy anyone presents this year, yet again. I was going to use the $50 to buy my mother and sister something, but my step mother wouldn't let me.
I had planned to have, say, a demo cd I could give my mother and sister by the end of this month, which would sort of be a late Christmas present. But I don't even have ONE song figured out yet. I kept thinking before, that as soon as I got my keyboard, I'd be recording my songs right away. It seems it's not so easy. I've had a couple of tecnhical difficulties. But those're fixed, and I still haven't worked on them much. I keep putting it off, for various reasons. I've got many distractions now. Most of my old computer games, etc. I really need to focus, but I find it difficult. The atmosphere of this place is horrible. I never get a moment's peace. I never get to be alone. It sucks. But I've GOT to start working on this stuff. I have to. I have to get over these distractions. I'm thinking of giving all my books and games etc. to my dad so he can take them to his work and keep them in his locker or something for a month. That way I don't have as many excuses. And I'll be totally bored. Then I'd have no choice but to get this stuff finished. Or at least to a state that I think is good enough to allow some one else to hear. It sounds as though making music is something I don't want to do, that I need to force myself to do it. That's not it. I want to do it more than anything. But I just... I don't know how to explain it. I keep putting it off and putting it off...
I've made two DVD rips recently. A first for me. Garden State and Donnie Darko. Both movies I rented recently and couldn't bare to part with. Unfortunely I told Josh about it, and even though he promised he'd not tell anyone, he blurted it out in front of my dad and Hillary. My dad doesn't care. I mean, after all, before VHS tapes had anti-theft devices installed, my father and mother made copies of movies all the time. We had well over a hundred copied VHS tapes at one time. But it's Hillary that I wish he hadn't told. Now she's wanting me to rip her movies, and I simply will not do it.
I started this forum thing earlier this month. It's sort of a hub for everyone I talk to online (well, for now it's just a few, but I plan to expand it eventually). It's hard to explain, but the address is http://www.american-idyll.com/kyosho . Soon I'm going to post a FAQ or something on there that clarifies it's purpose and whatnot. I think I explained it well enough to the people involved so far. One of my main purposes for it is so these people will talk to each other, and not just me. So far that hasn't happened yet, which is a little disappointing. At least S..er.. Importantopolis has been reading the other threads and not just his own. That's part of the point, and I'm glad at least one person is doing it.
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Okay, we shall now return to the present, February 9th, 2005. So, as sort of an update to that earlier post...
I've gotten my presents from my sister. They were a Ben Folds Five sheet music book (and accompanying cd to help learn it, which is awesome), four guitar picks, and a 2005 calendar with pictures and descriptions of those pictures taken by the Hubble space telescope. Appearently she didn't know at the time, but this calendar is actually a really awesome gift, since the jerks in Washington are decommissioning Hubble. What else..oh, I've finally moved my air mattress into my room. There's not much room to move around, but the extra amount of comfort is worth the sacrafice in space.
I actually have been working on my music more often lately. For a while there I was highly distracted by playing Morrowind (which is still a slight problem, but not as much...I really love that game). I still haven't finished a single song (as far as music, lyrics, percussion and everything together), but I am making progress. I have been figuring out other people's songs on my keyboard (each part, even, including bass, etc), to sort of educate myself in making a good full-sounding song. In fact, yesterday, in a span of about 3 hours I made a cover of "She F*cking Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd. That 3 hours includes figuring out the parts. I don't even really like that song much, but it was really simple to make. It's a simple song. But don't even ask me to send you it because it is embarasing. Not just my singing, but the whole electronic/disco-sounding way it turned out. Yeesh. Don't worry, my other music shouldn't be like that. I really wish I had access to a real piano though. Or heck, at least a "suspend pedal" for my keyboard, but I don't have the money for even that right now. Hopefully I'll get some birthday money from some one (it's only $20). Speaking of money, while at Wal*Mart today, I really REALLY wanted to buy one of their guitars. They had this black acoustic one that looked awesome. Then they had another acoustic one with a built-in electric tuner, and a 1/4" jack. Man, that would be so nice for recording. PLus I could actually play CHORDS! You know, 'cause I can't on my children's guitar. They also had an electric guitar, and a bass as well. All of these were about $150-200. I need to earn that much. Of course, if I do get that much money, I won't be buying the crap sort of guitar you'd get at Wal*Mart. I'd probably die if I went into a music shop.
Speaking of Wal*Mart: My father insisted I get new shoes (I needed them, really), so he, my step mother and I went to DSW (which I've finally learned the D stands for Designer...so it's Designer Shoe Warehouse). I walked through all the shoes in the Men's section, and didn't see any I liked (except one pair that was $70, which I didn't even mention). We spent a long time there, which annoyed them, and left without buying a single thing. I'm picky about shoes. I don't want anything too flashy, nor too boring and cheap looking either. I also don't want shoes that give people the impression that I'm trying to be something I'm not. For instance, my old shoes were commonly referred to by most as "Skater Shoes", which annoyed me. Another thing is that I was determined to not spend more than $40. So, after that we ventured to Wal*Mart to buy a new vacuum cleaner (bagless, whee), and I wandered into the shoe section by myself to give it another try. A rather ugly pair of shoes jumped out at me from the shelf. Why did they jump out at me? Because they were $5.00. Exactly $5.00. They appeared to be a returned pair of shoes (there was nothing wrong with them and they weren't dirty like the other returned ones). I tried them on, and they fit well enough. So, I figured that since my shoes were so cheap, I should be allowed to get some "accesories", if you will. New laces because the original ones were plain white which annoy me. And gel insoles. Though not the Dr. Shoalls brand like I wanted, since they didn't have them. But the ones I got seem okay. I am unofficially "gelin".
Feb. 9th, 2005 @ 12:23 am
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| » Bit by a birth shark, still have the birthmark... |
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Christmas is in two days. Well, three for me. My internal clock says it is still Wednesday. Speaking of Wednesday, I thought today was Tuesday. Really. I was totally feeling Tuesday-ish, you know what I mean? Weird. Where the heck did Tuesday go then? I remember Sunday, I remember Monday. But I don't recall Tuesday. I'm serious. What's going on in my brain? WHO STOLE MY FRICKEN TUESDAY?! Er...hmm... Am I losing it?
My two younger step siblings that attend school have been out of school this week and will be until after New Years. My older step brother whose job is hanging gutters, is out of work for the winter. Therefore, I have been losing my mind. It's hard to write songs when they're around. I mean, it's impossible. Sure, if I write a song that is just lyrics for the time being, with no actual idea how I'm going to be singing those lyrics, THEN I can write it and be fine. But if it is one of those really good moments where the words and the music all together just sort of hit me, I'm screwed. Or if I simply come up with just music, I'm screwed. I can't record myself singing, or humming or whistling melodies or whatever, when the mutants are around.
I keep forgetting that I need to buy myself a tape recorder. One of those tiny ones that business-types are always mumbling into stupidly. There are so many times I come up with something when I'm NOT near my computer, that it would be extremely useful. Especially since I always forget them seconds later. For instance, last night when I was just dozing off to sleep, I had a dream where I was watching myself perform a song onstage. I suddenly realized that I'd never actually written that song yet, and when the realization hit me, I woke up. But I was way too tired to get out of bed, wait for my computer to start up, and start recording myself. Not to mention the fact that Josh was sleeping less than 10 feet away and it'd have woken him. Yes. If I had a tape recorder, I could've just hopped up, went up into the bathroom, recorded myself singing it or whatever, and went back to bed. And it'd be incredibly useful on days like these when the mutants are around. I could just wander off outside or something...
My mother's trip here is still on. As far as I know, at least. I haven't talked to her recently, mainly because when I think of it, it's at a bad time. Which is because of my messed up sleeping hours. But I got a card from her yesterday (Monday, I SWEAR it was Monday!) which said that she wished she could be here for Christmas, but that she'd be seeing me shortly after that.
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By the way, I actually chatted with Daniel Brummel on AIM yesterday (MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY! ARGH!). It was pretty cool. He usually took a really long time to respond to anything I'd say (we're talking more than ten minutes here), but that's cool. I mean, I'm sure he was talking to a lot of people, and doing whatever it is that Daniel Brummels do when they're online. The fact that he was patient enough with me to answer my [most likely] annoying questions is awesome. I kept getting disconnected, and my computer kept freezing too. PERFECT TIMING, stupid thing. I sent him a link to the picture I took of him and Andrea at the concert in June. He thanked me for it and said they didn't have enough of them together. Then he told me they were engaged, and actually were at that time as well. That's really awesome. Appearently he and Andrea are going to start a music label in the future. I think that'd be so perfect for him. That's something I can definitely see him being really excellent at. You know, finding good bands. He even gave me permission to cover one of his songs whenever I start recording stuff. And he said he would give all my stuff a listen once they're recorded. Though I made sure that he didn't think I meant for his label. The last thing I want is for him to think I'm just trying to get something out of him. Not that being on his label would be a bad thing. In fact, it'd be a really really good thing. But I'm not getting my hopes up for ANY label at the moment. I mean, come on, I don't even have anything recorded yet. And I have a feeling that once they GET recorded, half of the songs , or more, will suck horribly.
Dec. 23rd, 2004 @ 03:58 am
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| » Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame? |
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Some good things have occured lately.
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First of all, I was looking around on music.download.com a few days back, downloading songs from bands whose descriptions sounded interesting (which is a very slow process on dial-up). I downloaded a song by a band called Don't Miss the Big, and I kinda liked it. They had two other songs on there, so I had to make a choice. Should I try another one from this band, or one of the 5 or so others that were patiently waiting for my limited bandwidth in their separate little Firefox tabs? I chose Don't Miss the Big, because there was a better chance I'd like another one of their songs, than one from some other random band I hadn't yet heard. Since most of the ones I'd already downloaded from other bands were crap. Or crap that could be good, with some changes, but without them remained to be crap. Anyways, the second song I downloaded from Don't Miss the Big was "Faith Is Love". I liked this song quite a bit on my first listen, and those of you who know me, you know that is a rare occurance these days. So I downloaded the third song on there, and like the first one, I thought it was good, but it didn't quite grab me like "Faith Is Love". Then I went to bed.
The next day I listened to all three again, and realized I liked them all quite a bit, but once again, "Faith Is Love" stood out. Mainly because of this part towards the end... One guy starts singing the line "I'm breathing you in, I'm breathing you in, I'm bleeding you out", he repeats it a second time and another guy comes in in harmony (with the same line), and they keep repeating it, and it builds up a little, leading into doing juxtoposition with the chorus. I'm a sucker for juxtoposition. And harmony for that matter.
Okay, so I went to their main site for the first time, and at the bottom is automatically loads a MySpace player. Which included a song that wasn't on music.download.com. That song would be "Undone". I downloaded it And, well, it's great too. So I looked around on their site and joined their forums. It seems they had recently rebuilt their site with a new design, and were looking for feedback on it. So I started a thread and introduced myself. I mentioned that the site could use a Bio page so people like myself could learn stuff about the band. I got a reply by a member of the band that basically said that writing a Bio page themselves would seem too pompous or something, and asked me if I'd like to interview them instead. So, I've just sent them my questions tonight. There aren't many, but they are questions which hopefully should encourage long replies. I will post a link to the final answered interview when it is completed.
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A new friend of mine sent me two data cds full of Ozma-related stuff. Mostly bootlegs from live shows. While those are good, and interesting for seeing the evolution process of some of the songs, the real great stuff on the discs is Daniel Brummel's side project stuff. OH MY GOD are they AWESOME. I'm not going to say a whole lot more, otherwise I'd ramble on for a LONG LONG time about it, and probably give a mini-review of each song. Considering there's 44 songs I hadn't heard before (which includes alternate versions of a couple), it'd take forever. Though the idea of doing it is not an unpleasant one. . .
This is possibly the best thing that's happened to me recently, and yet I'm writing the least about it. But...argh. Yeah, I just don't want to take the time right now to do so. Maybe another time.
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I've also written quite a few songs recently. I mean, I had been writing them off and on for the last month or so, in anticipation of finally being able to record them when my keyboard gets here... But listening to Daniel Brummel's stuff has inspired me to write even more these last two days.
Dang, I really need that keyboard. My mother may also bring me my old computer, if Dave decides he doesn't need it anymore. That'd be an extremely good thing. It's much faster than this one, and doesn't freeze like this one either (stupid Voodoo3 is causing all the problems..), so that means it'd be much better for recording. Better for games too. I will finally be able to play my higher-end games in my room instead of on the family computer. That means Morrowind. Yes.
Speaking of the family computer, it's gone bonkers. I know what I need to do to fix it, but it requires use of a Windows XP disc. Which, of course, we don't have. Why do computer manufacturers like the screw you in that way so much? Come on, guys, stop that crap. Anyways, once I get one, I'm sure I can fix it. I could "fix" it right now, by simply using the recover discs, but then I'd lose all my stuff. Granted, most everything I have on there, I've transported to this computer via CD-Rs in the past, but not ALL of it. So I've got to call my uncle Roy and see if he has an XP disc (or is it discs, plural?). Everyone else I've talked to doesn't have one. So until I get one, I've set up the laptop upstairs. Hooked it up to the moniter (since the screen is screwed), and plugged in the USB mouse. Works well enough for now.
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Today (well, tomorrow for me, since I've yet to go to bed) is my father's birthday. I don't really have the ability to get him anything. But so far, I'm the first one to say "happy birthday" to him, since I went up to talk to him when he was leaving for work just now. Maybe I can do something nice for him today or something. Though I can't think of what. Or maybe I can make him a present. Though I don't know what I could make that isn't too cheesey either. It'd have to be something useful to him.
Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 03:53 am
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| » Okay then. |
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Today has been a pretty nice day, overall. My Guster cd that I ordered from Megan came today. I like it. In fact I bet I'll love it after a few listens. I really must remember to send out her money tomorrow. I would've sent it today but I didn't get paid back the money I lent in time for the post. Haha. "The post". I can't believe I just typed that without thinking. I guess that comes from talking to so many foreigners online, and probably from reading the Harry Potter books as well. Mail, it's called mail. Yes. But they don't call it the Mail Office, do they? Hrmm. Oh well, I probably should stick with mail because if I say "the post" people will think I'm talking about the Washington Post or something. Pfft.
I wrote a song (just lyrics) tonight in less than five minutes. And it rhymes. That's a first. Not a first for writing a song that rhymes, but a first for doing it in such a short amount of time. Usually, to write a rhyming song, it would take me at least 15 minutes. Most likely more. Now, I've written non-rhyming songs in short times like that. In fact a lot. But then I usually end up just moving them aside and forgetting them, because most times they end up being hard to write music for, and get demoted to being poems. But this oen was out of anger, and it worked well.
Son of a... I was going to write more. But the very source of the angry material is here at this moment. WHY ARE THEY HERE? THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 11:38 pm
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